I guess I can finally write about it....What's IT you ask? The breakup. Yes, that's right. My boyfriend, travel partner, best friend, etc. has decided I am not the person he wants to share his future with.
As with every breakup, it sucks. It sucks a lot. I was with the person who I thought I'd be with for the rest of my life, and it was ripped away from me. One day he is saying he loves me, and the next he is breaking my heart. I am still confused about the reasoning, and he can't seem to make it clear to me.
We have spoken since, but from our talks, it does not sound like he is looking to have me back in his life as the person to share his future with. Apparently he has been unhappy in our relationship since about the time we got to Thailand, and while he has never expressed that to me, he was surprised that I wasn't aware of his unhappiness. He has said he doesn't regret breaking up with me, nor has he expressed why he would want to get back together with me.
As much as my heart is shattered, I have to move on. I can't keep hoping one of his phone calls or emails will be full of words or signs of how he wants to be with me, as each time I receive one, it never shows that.
A breakup in a foreign country? Just the same as a breakup in America - except minus your girlfriends. Still hurts a ton, but I know over time it will heal.
All I can do is look back and remember the good times, learn from the bad, and move on. Focus on my amazing adventure that I am living. Live for me, no one else. Look forward to the next place I will travel, and hope that I will come across someone who does want to share all this with me, now and in the future.
Mai Pen Rai,
Apes
((longdistancehugs))
ReplyDeleteI really wish men were better at communicating. I don't understand how they expect we can read their minds. I wish that he had approached you and been honest a lot earlier. But wishing won't help make him into a real man and unfortunately for him, he's lost an amazing woman!
You have the right attitude :) Continue to enjoy your adventures and be your fantastic self!!
Hey there-
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about this Apes ! I can completely relate. If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to call/ email/ send smoke signals. It truly is one of the hardest things I have lived through, but I did survive and I know that I am a better person because of it. There will be days of sadness, anger, disappointment and disbeleif, but I promise you that the days of happiness are just around the corner. Do you, love yourself and chesish those that love you uncondionally- you will get through this.
Love you, girl!
Lots of Hugs from Saint Louis !
-Jess