I started travelling for a living a little over 3 years ago. When I started, I was still in VERY good contact with my American world. I chatted on a regular basis with my buddies, besties, and family members back home. Heck, I even knew how to call out on a non-smart Thai phone. I mean, it was ALMOST like I hadn't left. ALMOST.
But now, after almost 3.5 years, 20 countries, and 2 visits home later - everything is different. My "besties" are engaged? Good thing facebook told me. Pregnant? Gave birth? Thanks FB - I wouldn't have known without you. Oh I mean yeah, I could Skype - but I've learned that the Skype program is just a waste of computer memory...no one really uses it to skype you after your first year gone. Oh I mean I hear all the time "let's skype" but let's be realistic - that's turned into the bad date "I'll call ya..." phrase. I don't even hold my breath for skype chats anymore. And the "I miss you?" that's even worse. My winter coat could magically come to life, type out an "I miss you" and it would come with about the same feeling as if a live person typed it; I miss ya, but not enough to try to arrange a way to catch up.
It's funny - when you leave, (and I've said it before), it's a quick way to "trim the fat". But honestly - once all the immediate fat is trimmed, what's left to trim? Apparently you are. You are trimmed from any sort of information or contact unless it's via facebook. Trying to constantly get in touch with people you thought were your best friends and not having it happens, SUCKS. Yeah I get that it's harder that I'm gone - and everyone is growing up. And yeah, I get that "life happens" - but when you are CONSTANTLY on your smart phones (as it has become everyone's extra limb) what would it hurt to send an email? How about a quick - "hey I really do wanna get in touch, but life is crazy right now. Here's what's going on with me". I mean honestly, who DOESN'T like talking about themselves? I mean, an email to brag about anything great happening, or to vent to someone about whatever is pissing you off? It really can't get much better.
Granted, yes, I am not as good about it as I was 3 years ago - but it's not like I've given up trying to keep in touch with people. Well, actually, I have. I've decided I don't really care about getting in touch with people that can't spend 2 minutes trying to catch up with me. I'm not asking for an everyday talk - but a little note to know people still want to know I'm alive would go a long way. Especially in a foreign country. Who cares that it's not my first stint abroad? Doesn't mean I want to be left out in the cold from anything happening in friends/families lives.
With the exception of a small chat I had with a friend from home 2 weeks ago - I can't really say I've heard from anyone from my "American life". Can't say I haven't tried - because I have. But, I guess that's what happens. Friendship is a 2 way street. Eventually I get tired of going down the 1 way street hoping something will come the other way.
I guess once you trim the fat - everyone else trims you. So much for "K.I.T."
- Apes
But now, after almost 3.5 years, 20 countries, and 2 visits home later - everything is different. My "besties" are engaged? Good thing facebook told me. Pregnant? Gave birth? Thanks FB - I wouldn't have known without you. Oh I mean yeah, I could Skype - but I've learned that the Skype program is just a waste of computer memory...no one really uses it to skype you after your first year gone. Oh I mean I hear all the time "let's skype" but let's be realistic - that's turned into the bad date "I'll call ya..." phrase. I don't even hold my breath for skype chats anymore. And the "I miss you?" that's even worse. My winter coat could magically come to life, type out an "I miss you" and it would come with about the same feeling as if a live person typed it; I miss ya, but not enough to try to arrange a way to catch up.
It's funny - when you leave, (and I've said it before), it's a quick way to "trim the fat". But honestly - once all the immediate fat is trimmed, what's left to trim? Apparently you are. You are trimmed from any sort of information or contact unless it's via facebook. Trying to constantly get in touch with people you thought were your best friends and not having it happens, SUCKS. Yeah I get that it's harder that I'm gone - and everyone is growing up. And yeah, I get that "life happens" - but when you are CONSTANTLY on your smart phones (as it has become everyone's extra limb) what would it hurt to send an email? How about a quick - "hey I really do wanna get in touch, but life is crazy right now. Here's what's going on with me". I mean honestly, who DOESN'T like talking about themselves? I mean, an email to brag about anything great happening, or to vent to someone about whatever is pissing you off? It really can't get much better.
Granted, yes, I am not as good about it as I was 3 years ago - but it's not like I've given up trying to keep in touch with people. Well, actually, I have. I've decided I don't really care about getting in touch with people that can't spend 2 minutes trying to catch up with me. I'm not asking for an everyday talk - but a little note to know people still want to know I'm alive would go a long way. Especially in a foreign country. Who cares that it's not my first stint abroad? Doesn't mean I want to be left out in the cold from anything happening in friends/families lives.
With the exception of a small chat I had with a friend from home 2 weeks ago - I can't really say I've heard from anyone from my "American life". Can't say I haven't tried - because I have. But, I guess that's what happens. Friendship is a 2 way street. Eventually I get tired of going down the 1 way street hoping something will come the other way.
I guess once you trim the fat - everyone else trims you. So much for "K.I.T."
- Apes
One of the things that makes friendships strong is shared experiences. It sounds a bit like at the moment you and your old friends are on different paths: you've chosen to travel, and they're settling down into (or being stiffled by) a life you left. It can be isolating not just for you, but also for them. What if you're back home and happy with your own life, but also a little jealous that you didn't want the travellers life enough to pursue it? And what if an old friend were blogging about how great a great travelling lifestyle? Would it make them hard to talk to?
ReplyDeleteI left my home country 23 years ago. I went through what it sounds like you were going through when you wrote this post. Then also after a while when I was more in a settling down mode I was a bit jealous that I didn't have the family and connections that some of the people I'd left behind had.
But I've now settled in a country I love. I have reconnected with some old friends - and with some of them it seems like the time hasn't past even though we've experienced such different things. Now I have some shared experiences - I have a family - but in a very different context. It's new shared experiences, but over distance. And I have new, wonderful connections and roots I'm putting down.