When I first decided to leave the US and travel/teach abroad, I knew I would miss big life events. Birthdays, graduations, engagements, weddings, births. I was mildly prepared for it. I had a mental short list of "if so-and-so" gets married, I would make sure I could make it back. Of course, my short list of people DID get married, and I did miss it. It just wasn't financially feesible for me to travel to the other side of the world for a weekend to watch 2 soul mates tie the knot. There are photographers at the event for a reason, and when I would visit home again, I would get to see them in the midst of their new life. I learned to deal.
When I missed my siblings graduations (1 from high school, 1 from university) I felt like a lousy sister for not being there. But again, my dad takes photos.
But it's not the same.
But then, there are deaths. Well, so far just 1 (almost). My grandfather has been in the hospital all week. Things went from bad to worse, to better, to the end. When I heard he was having a "good day" - I knew it was the end. There's always 1 good day before the end. I'd been getting updated, emails, messages, and etc....but didn't have any words to respond to any. What could I say? "I'm on the other side of the world, on the exact opposite time zone, but here are my random words that won't do any good". I mean seriously...my aunts/uncles/father are traveling down to visit him, and I'm 12 hours by TIME ZONE away. They stay with him all day in the hospital while I'm asleep, and then when I wake up, it's time for them to sleep. My updates come when I wake up , or when I'm about to go to sleep. I can't even send a message to ask for an update at any time during my days. Let alone try to call or get in touch in any other way. He's now been taken off life support and moved to a hospice. When I go to bed tonight, I'll wake up to one less family member. I won't have the comfort of family here or even the comfort of someone who has known me for longer than a year to lean on.
When I missed my siblings graduations (1 from high school, 1 from university) I felt like a lousy sister for not being there. But again, my dad takes photos.
But it's not the same.
But then, there are deaths. Well, so far just 1 (almost). My grandfather has been in the hospital all week. Things went from bad to worse, to better, to the end. When I heard he was having a "good day" - I knew it was the end. There's always 1 good day before the end. I'd been getting updated, emails, messages, and etc....but didn't have any words to respond to any. What could I say? "I'm on the other side of the world, on the exact opposite time zone, but here are my random words that won't do any good". I mean seriously...my aunts/uncles/father are traveling down to visit him, and I'm 12 hours by TIME ZONE away. They stay with him all day in the hospital while I'm asleep, and then when I wake up, it's time for them to sleep. My updates come when I wake up , or when I'm about to go to sleep. I can't even send a message to ask for an update at any time during my days. Let alone try to call or get in touch in any other way. He's now been taken off life support and moved to a hospice. When I go to bed tonight, I'll wake up to one less family member. I won't have the comfort of family here or even the comfort of someone who has known me for longer than a year to lean on.
Talk about helpless and lonely.
I was prepared to miss birthdays. I learned to deal with missing weddings and graduations. But missing the last hours of someone you love? That thought didn't even enter my mind to prepare for.
So, to the man who tried stealing my dimples every time I saw him, who would come and bring me candy bars at my high school track races (someone always had to come in last!), and took me on my first helicopter ride. May your last few hours be peaceful and comfortable. It's safe to say you will be missed by people all over the world, even if they weren't present in your last hours.
- Ape
